


pinpricks of light

by moonlitserenades



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Missing Scene, Unrequited Crush, a continuation of that one bit in 1x58
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:53:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22500520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlitserenades/pseuds/moonlitserenades
Summary: It’s startling in that it’snot. In that it’s such a Percy thing to say. In that he could fear it so deeply that he’s mentioning it here, now, with a conclave of dragons on the loose, as though he’s the one thing they all need to worry about.Or, Pike makes an attempt at expressing her feelings.
Kudos: 18





	pinpricks of light

Almost the moment Vax vacates the stool beside her, Percy has crash landed onto it, looking harried and exhausted. “Oh, bloody hell, about fucking time,” he sighs, pressing his face briefly into his hands.

“Hi,” she says, just a hint too bright, her eyebrows inching up as she grins at him. It’s...unexpected, the idea that he could have been waiting so impatiently just to talk to her.

Unexpected, but not unwelcome.

Not unwelcome at all.

He rests his cheek against interlaced fingers and surveys her for a moment. “You’re intimidating as fuck, you know that?”

Her hands fly to her chest, unbidden. Beneath her palms, her pulse speeds up. “Me?”

“Yes.”

“How?!” He always does this. Sets her off balance, sends her reeling, and then doesn’t even seem to realize it.

There’s a moment of quiet, of Percy holding her gaze consideringly, before he breaks eye contact to reach for his drink. “Everyone’s always worried about impressing you.”

She’s beaming, despite herself. She tries to tamp down on it, and fails, fiddling instinctively with the holy symbol around her neck. “Impressing me?” she parrots. Some small part of her brain--the part that will, later, overanalyze every moment of this interaction--is screeching at her to come up with something more interesting to say, but the rest is too busy taking all this in. Trying to understand.

He sets his tankard down again, leaning closer as he rests his chin on one palm. “Yes, it’s why we’re rubbish when you’re not around. Everybody’s trying to impress you.” There’s no artifice to the way he says it--he’s just stating facts, like he isn’t totally blowing her mind right now. He looks away again, just for a moment, and then back up at her. Her heart leaps into her throat.

“You know, I’m just rubbish. I’m just all the time rubbish.” She laughs, nervously, her gaze darting back and forth between the table and Percy’s face.

“I know. Believe me, I’m aware.” He smiles slightly, taking the sting out of it, and then reaches into his jacket. Into her hand, he presses a carefully-folded piece of parchment. “Here’s a list of every terrible thing I’ve got going on in this city right now.”

Heart sinking again, she tilts her head, confused. “...okay.”

“So you’ll know what I’ve got cooking.” And she’s not sure what _that’s_ supposed to mean, or why he would think to write it out for her, unless it’s some sort of strange to-do list. Which hurts, actually, until she realizes that he’s still talking and forces herself to tune back in. “Uh...plus some people that if you need particular things, you can talk to in the city, who are friends of the family, um, ten things to see in the city, and my ten favorite books in the library in case you get bored.”

She takes the paper, cradling it close to her body, and smiles again. “Oh, Percy.”

“You’re going to have to kill some time, I’m sure.” 

He takes another long sip of ale, giving her a free moment to let her face do whatever ridiculous thing it wants to do, and she manages to smooth her expression over in time to say, “I will make sure to visit all of these places and read all of these things.”

He smiles a little. “I’ll try and keep the kids safe, and I will try to not be the thing that kills them, either.”

It’s startling in that it’s _not_. In that it’s such a Percy thing to say. In that he could fear it so deeply that he’s mentioning it here, now, with a conclave of dragons on the loose, as though he’s the one thing they all need to worry about. “Well,” she begins, and steels herself. There’s a choice here. Two paths. Scanlan’s words are in the back of her mind, saying, _you’re the bravest woman I know, and you should be brave enough to just admit your feelings._ She could, right now. She’s leaving, and if...well, if he rejects her, it will be a while before she’ll have to face him again.

But she can’t quite seem to say it.

“Oh,” she says, instead, as though it’s just occurred to her, “I have something for you.”

“Hmm? All right.” He’s still grinning, a little quizzically now.

“When we went to my house, or, well, where I lived with Wilhand…” She trails off, twisting her fingers.

“I remember.”

When she speaks again, she does so slowly. It feels important to get this right. To give him a chance to understand. To, perhaps, encourage herself to tell the full truth, in whatever way she can manage. “I got something from underneath the bed and--” she breaks off, breathes deep, and pushes on. “This is something that’s been in my family for a really long time, and I’ve been thinking about it, and I feel like I need to give it to you.” She beckons to him, feeling a little foolish. “So come closer to me real quick.”

And bless him, he doesn’t ask. He just scoots closer, leaning forward, and waits.

She fastens it around his neck with fingers that miraculously stay steady. “It’s a necklace,” she blurts, as if he can’t tell. And then, as if the addition somehow makes this situation less awkward instead of more, “And just...don’t take it off.”

He still doesn’t ask, nor does he look at her like she’s crazy, or foolish. “Okay. I will keep it on,” he says instead, as though she’s done something entirely logical. A wave of affection sweeps over her, so strong it nearly knocks the breath from her lungs. 

“And it will keep you safe.”

He nods. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“And please--” he begins, just as she continues, 

“Sometimes I--oh. Sorry. What?”

“No no, please. What were you going to say?”

Her heart is thrumming again, beating a violent tattoo in her throat. She swallows hard, wildly wondering if he can hear it. “I just...sometimes I worry about you. When I’m away.”

He exhales half a laugh through his nose. “We do have a tendency to run headlong into trouble, don’t we?”

“Well, yeah. And I--I _do_ worry about everyone, obviously, but--I was talking about _you_. Specifically.” Her face is burning, palms sweating. She attempts to ignore this and tries to meet his gaze.

He’s quiet, just for a beat. And then, tilting sideways so that his shoulder brushes hers, “That’s...quite fair, I think.”

“I don’t think I mean it the way you think I do, though.”

“No?” He raises his eyebrows. 

“No.” She pauses a moment, trying to get her bearings again--trying to grasp for the right words. “I think that...all of us...care about you a lot. Probably a lot more than you realize. And I feel like that isn’t something that you’re comfortable with.”

“Well I...often, I don’t feel as though your trust--anyone’s trust, really--is something that I’ve earned. Something that I deserve. Not by any fault, of course, of your own, but because of...well, of who I am.”

“Percy,” she whispers, “I know that you’ve been through a lot. And I know that--that you’ve done some things you’re not proud of. But so has everyone else in this room, and you know what? You’re still here. You came through it, and you’re here. With us. And that’s the part that matters.”

He smiles a little, and it very nearly reaches his eyes. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” she says, softly. “Are you alright?”

“I am. I only wish…” He stops, sighs heavily through his nose, and starts again. “I wish I were as good a man as you seem to believe I am.”

“And I wish that you could believe that we’re on your side, no matter what. And that you _do_ deserve that.”

One shoulder rises in a languid shrug. “Maybe one of these days.”

She steels her courage and brushes her fingers, ever so lightly, against the back of his hand. “Let me know when that day comes, okay?”

This time, the smile is real, if small. “I will.”

“And keep everyone safe, alright? Keep yourself safe, as well.”

“I will,” he repeats. “And please keep all of this safe.”

She nods. “Of course.”

He raises his tankard slightly, and she clinks her glass against it. “Cheers.”

“Cheers.”

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, I don't know what happened here. I just love the idea of tiny bb Pike having a crush on Percy.


End file.
